Wandering Thoughts for May 3

Hey everyone just figured I would post a little update on some past posts to try and get me to do some things and update you on whats been going on in my oh so exciting life lol. If this is boring I apologize.

1. I have not been doing a good job reading John Owen's book like I said I would. Sometimes my eyes seem to glaze over while reading it and I find I have to re-read what I just read. This is terrible as its really good but for some reason my mind seems to get distracted when I read it. I have to pick a time when I am very alert and can really focus on it.

2. I finished reading the book of Psalms last week. I really enjoyed reading it and learned so much of Gods love for us! It also was really amazing to see the Psalmists cry out to God and not give up praying even when they were faced with overwhelmingly difficult situations and it seemed God was not hearing them. I am glad I am not the only one who sometimes has doubts and pleads with God! If God saw fit to include it in the Bible you know its a normal part of being human. It also was so encouraging to see even with the doubts and struggles how the Psalmists still kept on loving and believing God and how even when they failed God still kept loving them and forgiving them! As I read through Psalms I wrote down in my journal some of my favorite verses from Psalms and there were tons of them! There are pages and pages in my journal with nothing but verses from Psalms written on them. It slowed me down a bit writing them down but i find when I write I absorb what I am reading better and seeing my favorite verses written in my own hand writing makes it seem more personal. Does that make any sense? It is probably the first time I have read the entire book of Psalms. I have never been very faithful at reading the Bible. That is something I am striving to change. In church this week the sermon was all about the importance of reading the Bible and how it changes you. This sermon could not have come at a better time as it encouraged me to keep reading. After I finished Psalms last week I decided to read Romans. I am on Chapter 9 now. I think I have decided Paul is my hero.

3. Thanks to God I am still doing good on the porn front despite my recent temptations. My sleep has been better and my dreams are forgettable which is good. Every day is a battle but the past few days the temptations have been alot less!

4. I still have not told anyone about my SSA struggles. I am having a hard time finding the right time. With mothers day this weekend it does not seem right either I dont want to be like "Happy Mothers day! BTW I like guys!" lol. Not that she will be the first person I tell but it just seems like a bad weekend. Or maybe I am just using it as yet another excuse not to open up? I dont know. I intend to follow some of the advice that you all gave me. And really would like to tell my brother of my struggle sooner rather than later. I ask for prayer for me on this front that I have courage and that I am responded too in a compassionate manner.

5. I want to thank Jay from http://collegejay.blogspot.com/ for linking to one of my posts. There has been some great discussions in that post and alot of new visitors here thanks to the link to it! So thanks Jay and welcome all new readers!

Ok thats all for now. I want to thank you all for the prayers, encouragement, and love you have shown me. It really means alot to me and I thank God for you all everyday when I pray!

Your brother in Christ,

-AJ