Thursday, May 13, 2010
Somewhere Down the Road
Thanks to a post by Daemon on His Blog about things he wonders about I decided to make a list of my own. So thanks Daemon for the inspiration! First of all this song I posted by Amy Grant has meant alot to me since the first time I heard it when it was released awhile back. It has been the cry of my heart on many occasions when I was REALLY down and confused and had no one to talk to about my feelings. Its all about asking "why" questions to God and how we may not get answers on earth to the questions we wrestle with but that someday we will understand.
Ok here is my list (sorry if its a little bit on the serious side but these are the questions of my heart):
I wonder...
Why I am attracted to guys?
Would I be married now if I was straight?
Is there a girl all alone out there somewhere I was supposed to be with?
Why God does not heal me and make me "normal"?
Will I ever "grow up" and feel like a man?
Will others accept me if they know about my attractions?
Will I ever be able to accept myself?
How does God decide which prayers to answer?
Why can I tell when a woman is beautiful but still am not attracted to her?
Would I be far away from God if I did not struggle with this because life would be to easy for me?
Why do some seem to have so much and others so little?
Why do I sometimes do the things I hate? (Paul beat me to this question!)
What would my life have been like if I had told people when I was younger about my attractions?
How can God stand to look at me never-mind love me after I have sinned so much?
Will I still be alone because of my SSA's in 10 years when pretty much everyone I know will likely have a family?
Why is it that I want to have closer friends but am afraid to open up to others?
Why am I so shy?
Why does everyone seem to misunderstand me?
Does God have a plan for me or will I be bouncing from one thing to the next seemingly randomly for the rest of my life?
If I am never to marry will God provide for the loneliness in my life?
Will anyone hold my hand when I die?
Why do I worry so much when I know God is in control?
Why does God sometimes seem so far away?
Why does God sometimes seem so close?
When we die and ask God all these questions will everything finally make sense?
and finally...
I wonder if God gets sick of every new person in heaven asking a million questions? :-)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
AJ,
ReplyDeleteWow...you took the "I wonder" theme to a whole other level of introspection and honesty. Many of these thoughts have crossed my mind, but never been verbalized to myself or even others.
You asked:
Is there a girl all alone out there somewhere I was supposed to be with?
This one has haunted me before in life, as girls have come and gone that have liked me, only to find I had no interest in a friendship, much less a relationship.
You also asked:
Would I be far away from God if I did not struggle with this because life would be to easy for me?
I KNOW that this circumstance in my life drove me right into the arms of God. I was seeking truth and trying to find answers. The life I was living before Christ showed me implicitly that I needed a Saviour. Without the struggle of matching my faith to my reality, I would have walked away from God years ago, right after it all began.
And finally:
Does God have a plan for me or will I be bouncing from one thing to the next seemingly randomly for the rest of my life?
I have lived an erratic and random life to date, followin my nose and heart from place, to person, to path. What I am really here for, I do not know...but I often wonder?
Thanks for making me think, man. Prayers and Pax to you,
Daemon
Wow...you took the "I wonder" theme to a whole other level of introspection and honesty. Many of these thoughts have crossed my mind, but never been verbalized to myself or even others.
ReplyDeleteYa maybe I went overboard now that I read this again. I took a fun post that you made and I think I made mine to serious. Sorry about that everyone. I did not mean for this to sound depressing or anything. These were just what popped in my mind as I typed.
AJ,
ReplyDeleteNo, I think what you did here was spot on! It really made me think about some things.
Don't ever apologize or second guess your thoughts when shared from an honest and open space. You never know what God is going to use in someone else's life.
I am glad you shared, dude!
Daemon
Thanks! :)
ReplyDelete