Here is the update about Sunday that I promised to post for anyone interested. I was going to post it yesterday but was not feeling well so never got around to it. Sunday was great and let me calm down from the stress I put on myself Saturday. The weather was a beautiful 68 degrees or so and sunny. I woke up early from a rather restless sleep you know the kind where you wake up every hour or so and notice the clock every time and keep thinking "will this night ever end?" So after getting up I went out to a local bakery had a fresh blueberry muffin and a coffee and then went to church. It was a great church service that really encouraged me. The service was all about how the promises of God can take time to fulfill because God is not on our timetable. The pastor talked about how God promised Abraham a son and it took 25 years for the promise to be fulfilled but eventually it was. The pastor said how the time between the promise and the promise being fulfilled is the most dangerous time for us as we doubt and fear that maybe God has forgotten us. We may grow impatient like even Abraham did when he tried to make the promise happen on his own by having a baby about 12 years after God promised him a son with another woman. That one act of trying to rush God's promise along has caused thousands of years of war and strife. Thats what can happen when mankind tries to do the job of God!
So I took from this message that maybe someday I will be healed but its not on my time table but God's. And maybe it is never to happen I dont know. But God is good either way and if its His will to heal me then it will happen in His time not mine. It is not something I can force. I may grow impatient like Abraham did but I have to have faith that God has a plan for me whether I am healed or not. I know for me it would be wrong to give into my temptations just because I am impatient at God's timing and may be attracted to males and want to give in to my desires. Maybe someday God will provide me with a wife in His time who will understand my struggles and love me anyways. Or maybe God will heal me completely. Or maybe neither thing will happen and I will be single and celibate my whole life. If that happens I have to trust God will provide for the loneliness I have at times in other ways. The point is I have to learn to leave it in God's hands and not worry so much. I have a real problem with worry. I go over every possible outcome, imagine what my life will be like if I am never to marry, and I just over-think everything. I have to leave it in God's hands. That is something that is probably easier said than done for me but it is something I have to work on and was glad I took it from this message at church. Anyways this message at church was just what I needed to hear at the time. God has a funny way of speaking to us just when we need it the most dont you think??
"God has a funny way of speaking to us just when we need it the most dont you think??"
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! It amazes me how much God acts on my behalf sometimes, interferes with my plans, blesses me beyond measure, slaps some sense into me, and leads me always in a good direction. Like you, I worry too much though. And I let that get me down when it shouldn't. Really, with God, we have nothing to fear or worry about at all. He'll always be there for us, one way or another.
One thing I keep trying to remember is just how patient God has been with me. I keep trying to remember I need to be patient with God as well, and keep my faith solid in Him.
Ya thats a great point Brandon. God has been insanely patient with me too! Way more patient than I deserve. So I have to be patient as well and trust God.
ReplyDeleteLike your post, patience is certainly one thing (some call it a virtue, maybe if I had it I could understand it better!) that is hard to practice when time gets in the way. I have to be honest and say I have not been that patient a person when it comes to waiting for change to occur in my life. One thing I heard the other day (via Joyce Meyer) was concerning being passive about certain things. She (Joyce) said that we often depend on feeling and tend to wait until we may "feel" like doing a certain thing and consequently put things off. It is one thing I have to face. I have to be patient but also be active in rejecting those temptations that jump out so often.
ReplyDeleteI am so encouraged by the things you share, this post shows you are taking in truth and letting God speak to you. Truly awesome.
Dear AJ, I wonder whether you are going through unecessary disappointment by expecting "healing" from same-sex attraction.
ReplyDeleteI see SSA as just one manifestation of our sinful nature -- something God has not promised to "heal" in the usual sense we think of healing.
He has promised that we will not be tempted beyond what we are able to bear.
He has promised strength for the journey.
And, through the Apostle Paul, He has promised that we will be changed as we "behold" Christ -- that we will be changed into His image.
But to expect to be "healed" from any aspect of our sinful nature so we no longer have to struggle with it is to expect what God has not promised.
To put things in perspective -- it is possible for SSA persons to have satisfying heterosexual marriages. It does not mean being "healed" from a homosexual orientation. It just means disciplining your attraction to the same sex as others disciplined their attraction to the opposite sex.
I think you got it right when you wrote, "I have to learn to leave it in God's hands and not worry so much."
May God give you the trust to leave it all in His hands. His plans for you are greater than you could imagind for yourself. :)
You said, "I go over every possible outcome, imagine what my life will be like if I am never to marry"
ReplyDeleteWell, I can speak from experience here. I am a Christian fighting SSA and I am over 40 and never married. When I was in my 20s I also tried to imagine what my single life would look like. It is now actually very different than I had imagined it would be.
God has provided friends that have added so much joy to my life. I am so surprised at how rare loneliness is for me. It does happen and it is painful, but it is the exception rather than the rule.
My life is also much more full of adventure than I would have guessed. I have lived in 4 different parts of the US in the last 3 years, and God has blessed me with great friends and great church experiences in all 4 places. He has also provided financially in unexpected ways when I was in need. Basically, my life is one surprise after another with God taking care of me through it all !
Expect the unexpected.
Inge thanks for the comment. Ya maybe I worded this post wrong as I am definitely not really expecting complete healing from same sex attractions. I hope for healing as I believe God does heal some people completely but I know it does not seem to be often. I have pretty much accepted the likely fact that I will have these feelings always. You make some great points though about sin being sin and not something that is healed necessarily. For example an alcoholic probably still can be tempted by alcohol even if he has not had a drink in 10 years. Maybe my understanding of what healing is has to change. I do know I am finally starting to accept myself as a sinner but loved by God just like everyone else and I think that is a good place to be.
ReplyDeleteAnyways thanks for your post you make alot of sense in it and made me think!
MR thanks for this post about how fulfilling living as a single can be! Yea I have to trust God that if he wants me to be single He will provide for my loneliness like He does for you!
ReplyDeleteYour right with God its best to expect the unexpected! I learn that more every day! Anyways thanks for this post it really encouraged me!