Saturday, April 24, 2010

Set me free

I love blasting the song "Free" by Switchfoot really loud and singing it at the top of my lungs. Oh and can't forget the air guitar too! :) It really speaks to me as there are so many areas in my life where I want freedom. First I long to be free of these same sex attractions, I don't know if that will ever happen completely but I still believe God can work miracles. If that is not to be though then I would love to have the freedom to tell those I love of my struggle and for them to love me the same. I want to bulldoze this prison wall I created around myself and be free to open up to others.

I know I am free to do that and tell people of my struggle at anytime but I guess like the song says "The chains that hold me back inside are the prisons of my mind". I have been hiding my pain and struggles for so long that the chains seem pretty heavy. But of late I am starting to wonder if that is an illusion and it could be they are really rusty and weakened. Maybe Satan has just been whispering and lying to me about how strong these chains are and how no one could ever love me if they knew my secret struggle so he can keep me alone in my prison where he can watch me suffer and tempt me easier.

Please pray for me that God will provide me the courage I need to finally tell some people in my life of my struggles with SSA and that they will respond in a loving way. And that I can form closer relationships with other Christians who will just see me as one of them. A child of God who is sinful and broken but trying to find my way home.

This song is my prayer today and always.

by: Switchfoot

I've got my back against the wall
But I still hear the blue sky call

The chains that hold me back inside
are the prisons of my mind

- Chorus -
come set me free
down on my knees
I still believe you could save me from me
come set me free
come set me free
inside this shell
there's a prison cell

I try to live the light of day
why would I do what I hate

But when I try to reach above
I only I hurt the ones I love

there's a hole in the neighborhood
where the shadows fall

there's a hole in my heart but my hope
is not in me at all

I had a dream that my chains were broken
broken, broken, broken open 


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