I am at my brothers house for the weekend. Its 1:12 AM and i am on my laptop. I am really feeling very down. I just am so tired of it all. I know i should be over all this and just accept the fact I will be alone forever and realize its good to suffer for the Lord but i guess i am just immature for my age. I am a failure at life and love. Sometimes i really wonder whats the point in fighting what i am? I just really long for human touch right now so much. The only human touch i get is maybe a quick hug hello or goodbye. Nothing more than that and i guess i never will get more.No one to fall asleep with and stay warm with on a cold winter night or to rub my shoulders when i am stressed (like I am now). I just always will be the third wheel hanging around happy couples of family and friends and realizing at the end of the day I have to go home alone.
Seeing how happy my brother and his wife are makes me jealous and i hate feeling that. I am happy for them beyond belief but i guess jealous of their happiness because deep inside feel i never will be allowed to find love. Dont know if that makes sense.
sorry for the depressing post i just had to let it out.
I am looking forward to church tomorrow though. Maybe that will brighten my mood. ok i am gonna try to get some sleep.
Lord have mercy on your lonely child. Please give me some hope and peace. I am trying to trust You Jesus.
"I just really long for human touch right now so much. The only human touch i get is maybe a quick hug hello or goodbye. Nothing more than that and i guess i never will get more.No one to fall asleep with and stay warm with on a cold winter night or to rub my shoulders when i am stressed (like I am now). I just always will be the third wheel hanging around happy couples of family and friends and realizing at the end of the day I have to go home alone."
ReplyDeleteI completely understand those feelings. I wish I had something I could say to make you feel better but I just don't.
I was very much challenged and encouraged by the passage preached on in church this morning. It was Romans 8:18-25... the Holy Spirit really spoke tenderly to me, reminding me of the hope I have in christ.
Later bro!
Joe
Thanks Joe! It is always an amazing experience when we can feel the Holy Spirit speaking to us! I am going to go look at those verses right now.
ReplyDeleteWow just read it Joe. Thanks so much for reminding me of these verses its something i needed to read again. I had tears in my eyes as I read it.
ReplyDeleteEspecially Verse 23! Just read it in the NLT version and here is the NLT version:
"And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us."
So powerful and a perfect description of all of us that struggle with SSA! I long for the day when we will be made new!
Really appreciate you sharing this with me.
Someone else was talking about "skin cravings" the other day... How people actually have a physical need to be touched in one way or another. Reminded me of how much I missed really stopping to hug friends. AJ, if you were nearby, I'd immerse you in a hug. If you ever make it through northern NV, we'll shake hands, hug, and chat. For a long time on each regard.
ReplyDeleteIn a completely appropriate way of course.
Really nice post jahteo! I felt like I got a virtual hug just from reading this! Thanks! If I am ever out that way we for sure should hang out!
ReplyDelete