Caught In The In-Between

When will I finally realize that God loves me how I am? I know that is the truth yet I always feel like I am a failure because of my SSA. I see the life of other guys at church who have wives, or GFs and they just seem so much more Godly than me. I know its not true and they have problems and sin areas as well but I dont know it just seems like they sin less to me. Of course I guess you can never tell from the outside. They could be struggling with things that I cant even imagine much like they have no idea of this huge struggle I have. I wish we all could be more open about our sins and weaknesses at church! I think if things were more out in the open at church it would really help people not feel shame for whatever sins they have done in the past or struggle with now. Why do we all wear masks and pretend we have it all together? Its like we are trying to impress each other and pretend we are better than we are which is ridiculous considering at church we are a gathering of Christians and God knows what we all are really like! If God who is perfect knows the real us, sins and all, and still loves us why cant we as weak sinful humans share our sins and struggles with each other and still love one another? Just something I have been thinking about.

This song I posted below has really been speaking to me. There are so many stupid things that at times I put before God. Even beyond SSA issues. Material things, electronic gadgets, and all the trappings of modern society that draw my attention away from the God who made me, loves me, and forgives me.

Love this line especially: "And we run, we run, to finally be set free
But we’re fighting for what we already have received"

The victory is already secure! Even if in this life my attractions never change at all I can be sure that I will be set free of these struggles eventually even if it is not until I reach heaven and God makes me new. Between now and then there will be alot of hard times and temptations, but there will be tons of good times too. I cant let this struggle define me as a person. Instead of worrying I have to put my trust in God who has already helped me so many times that I have lost count. I can either wallow in self pity about my struggles with SSA or live life and thank God for saving me and loving me. I choose to live life.

We are caught in the in-between but God has already set us free!

All The Pretty Things
by: Tenth Avenue North
We are, we are, we’re caught in the in-between
Of who we already are and who we’re yet to be
We’re looking for love but finding we’re still in need
It’s only what we have lost will we be allowed to keep
And we’re waiting but our eyes are wandering to
All this earth holds dear

Look at all the pretty things
That steal my heart away
I can feel I’m fading
‘Cause Lord I love so many things
That keep me from your face
Come and save me

And we run, we run, to finally be set free
But we’re fighting for what we already have received
So we’re waiting , but our eyes are wandering to
All this earth holds dear

Look at all the pretty things
That steal my heart away
I can feel I’m fading
‘Cause Lord I love so many things
That keep me from your face
Come and save me

We are, we are, we’re caught in the in-between
But we’re fighting for what we already have received
We are, we are, we’re caught in the in-between
But we’re fighting for what we already have received

Look at all the pretty things
That steal my heart away
I can feel I’m fading
‘Cause Lord I love so many things
That keep me from your face
Come and save me