"Once we come into agreement with one of Satan’s lies, we then start to live our lives and make decisions out of that lie. So let’s take one as an example: “I am gay and there is no way to be healed of homosexuality”. Let’s say you have come into agreement with that lie. How are you going to live your life? Are you going to seek healing? Are you going to seek out churches to love and help you through your struggle? Are you going to seek out groups of men to mentor you? Are you going to pray fervently for the Lord to walk you through your healing journey quickly?
No. It's highly unlikely you are going to do any of those things. What are you going to do? You are going to find a group of people who believe the same lie. You are going to seek out other relationships that are going to confirm that lie. You are going to have conversations with other people who are going to confirm that lie. You are going to separate yourself from anyone who doesn’t agree with you."
Check out the full blog article here. Its a great read and is all about the lies Satan tries to get us to believe. The article also gives ways on how to fight back against Satan's lies and for me of least the blog post was a really big encouragement to keep trusting God and to keep praying for healing and not to give up.
Anyways I had been feeling pretty discouraged about my struggle with SSA as you may have been able to tell based on that rather depressing song I posted yesterday. Just was feeling hopeless and depressed. In fact I did not even go to church yesterday. I just could not put on my fake smile and pretend I was fine.
I often wonder if change is really possible you know what I mean? I cant get a straight answer from anyone. Some say its a struggle that we must endure our whole life with little hope for healing. Others say after alot of intense therapy some measure of healing takes place and still others say they were healed instantly. Its all very confusing. I guess no one seems to know. Makes me wonder why God does not heal more of us instantly? He must be teaching us faith and trust by letting us struggle. Anyways I just read that blog today and I really liked what the blog had to say about not giving up on healing. We have to live like change is possible otherwise we will just give up and if we give up we are sure stay the same. That is something I really needed to hear! That is so powerful and true. Because if I think there is no hope for change I wont even bother trying. Which is what Satan would love. I needed to read this today.
I emailed my brother last night and told him the truth about how discouraged I am and how I feel hopeless and dont know if I will ever be healed. And he called me up last night and we talked for an hour. It was so awesome and he really encouraged me and told me not to give up. In my email I told him I feel like a freak and he said I am not a freak but just a sinner like everyone else. And he got upset when I said I wish I was normal because he said I am normal just because I sin and have struggles does not mean I am not normal and that everyone struggles with something. Anyways It was really something I needed and we talked about a bunch of other things like prayers and struggles and God. It was one of the deepest conversations we have ever had! So much better than the superficial conversations we used to have before he knew of my struggles. And he told me about some things he needs prayers for too. Basically we both were finally vulnerable and honest with each other! God is using this to bring us alot closer.
I now know why Satan tried his hardest to keep me from telling my brother for all this time. Like this article said Satan knew that my brother would give me support and courage so he kept feeding me the lies that my brother would reject me if he knew.
Anyways I am feeling better today than I did over the weekend and I am going to keep trusting in God that healing is possible. Dont know in what form healing will take place or when but I am going to put my hope in the God that I know loves me no matter what that He will transform me into the man he wants me to be.
Hang in there! Looking at long term dreams is always discouraging no matter what you're talking about, because we never have any idea how we're going to get there. Plus, our long term dreams often don't correspond with God's long term dreams for us.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about you, but I often seem to have something that's on my mind that I strongly feel I should do, but I really fear doing at the same time. Sometimes, its a specific sin I need to confess to somebody (ideally, the person I've sinned against). Sometimes, its a specific person I feel an urge to talk to about something in their life. Sometimes, it's something I feel I should give money to when I'm pretty broke. I find, when I feel discouraged and as if I'm going nowhere, the best thing I can do is to pray, ask God for the courage, and do or say whatever has been on my mind but I've been avoiding doing. Its never stopped being scary. Its never stopped being difficult. But things almost always seem to turn out better because I chose to do whatever that thing was, not always initially, but eventually. Best of all, its usually just one action, which I can accomplish by trusting God in the here and now, and in the process I get practice at trusting God and a sign of his grace in my life that gives me the encouragement I need to carry on. It also gets me out of worrying about the future and places me solidly in the present (where God wants me), seeking to do what he wants me to do for him this day, this hour. There's an incredible freedom in letting the promptings of the moment outweigh the worries about the future.
So, if there's anything you've been feeling you should do for the past two or three weeks, or longer,nbut have avoided doing, I would say pray hard, summon up the courage, and do it, no matter what it is. I've followed some pretty terrifying promptings out of faith over the past two years, and none of them have turned out badly so far. :) You already know, from the example of your brother, that its very easy to avoid doing something you've been thinking about for a long time because of unfounded fear. It's one of Satan's greatest weapons.
Anyway, that's what popped into my head when I read your post.
Maybe you need to tell somebody at your church, so that you don't feel like you're faking around everybody? Or maybe you just need to go to church looking honestly disheveled and say, "Actually, things aren't going too well right now" and not go into any more detail. I know I used to fear being judged by people. But the fake smile, the "everything's going great!" which we all do is a form of deception which I don't think Christ would approve of. It's the little white lie that keeps every Christian isolated in their world of pain. That doesn't mean telling everybody, obviously. :) But it's something to think about.
Best wishes as you search for God's plan in your life. And the best thing is, if you follow his promptings, he'll take you in directions you could never have dreamed of. There are so many things I've done in the past couple years that I would NEVER have imagined doing in my wildest dreams a few years ago. :)
Hey, AJ,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to comment regarding the healing. I really don't think it's realistic to expect healing, if by that you mean attraction to the opposite sex. From the numerous accounts I've read of gay Christians, the only ones that experienced any sort of "healing" (as defined above) were individuals with some attraction to the opposite sex already. It's very likely that sexual orientation is determined by biology for most people.
Glad things are going better for you.
Ya maybe your right gaypk. Like you in my many searches reading up about people with SSA everyone still struggles with it to some degree. I guess I really dont know what the healing I am hoping for is. I see your point as in alot of the stories I have read it seems people say they are healed when they leave the gay lifestyle even though they still are attracted to guys more than females. So since I was never in the lifestyle I dont know what that means for me as I have no way to show I am healed even to myself I guess.
ReplyDeleteOh well still have to trust God has some purpose for this struggle in my life. Like I said in this post I dont know what form the healing will be in if it comes I guess God will have to surprise me.
Thanks for the encouragement Tim. Ya your right I have to try and be more authentic at church and if someone asks how I am doing not just say "I am fine how are you" :)
ReplyDeleteI will have to try and figure out if there is something God wants me to do that I have not been doing like you said as well. I am sure there are alot and I actually can think of a few. lol but will have to pray more. Anyways thanks.