"Real healing is not the absence of struggle against lesser sexual desires, but facing those struggles, acknowledging their allure and immediacy, and choosing to obey the truth found in Christ and His Word. Real healing is predicated on a belief that the Creator knows what is best for His creation and has revealed what is best through His Son, Jesus Christ, and His Word, the Bible."
I really liked how in this article he compared this struggle with SSA to someone having diabetes as in its something you have to manage on a daily basis.
"In the physical world we might compare sexual and relational healing to someone who has diabetes. Diabetes does not often go away (though sometimes it can), but it can be controlled in your life as long as you eat appropriately, exercise, constantly monitor your intake, and submit yourself to the recommendations of the doctor. A person who submits himself to his doctor and disciplines his life will find that he can live a much fuller, happier, longer and more fruitful life. In much the same way, those who struggle with deep sexual and relational issues generally will not find their struggle completely gone. The imprints laid down upon the wet concrete of their formative years will not easily disappear. However, they can live in such a way as to not be governed by the impulses of their sinful, natural flesh and remain obedient to the calling and will of God in their lives. They can walk in freedom and truth!"
Like someone who struggles with diabetes some days are better than others but you always have to monitor yourself if you want to be healthy.
Sure God can heal people instantly of their homosexual attractions if He wanted to but it is more likely that God will use our struggles to draw us to Him and make us realize how much we need a savior. If He just healed everyone of all their struggles instantly would we really still seek Him? Or would life be to easy and our human nature and self reliance take over to make us think we don't need Jesus? Would we think we are entitled for God to fix every struggle we have? Just think how many times in the Old Testament God did some huge miracle like parting the Red Sea and then on the very next page you would see his people complaining and saying God forgot about them. I would like to think I am better than that and if God healed me instantly of my SSA I would always trust Him no matter what. But the truth is I am no better than the Israelites of the Old Testament. I am sure I would find something else to complain about in a short period of time. Questions like: "Sure God you healed me of my SSA but why wont you provide me with a better job? Did you forget about me? Why don't I have more friends? Now that I am attracted to women why don't I have a wife? Don't you love me?"
We will always have struggles with our sinful nature whether its SSA or something else. God never said anywhere that He would heal us of all our struggles in life. In fact everyone has some kind of struggle they have to deal with and a big part of being a follower of Christ is for us to have struggles but still try to live for God. I believe God does heal a small portion of SSA struggler's completely and instantly but I think the reason the numbers of instant healings are apparently so few is that if He just healed everyone of all their struggles with sin then life would be so easy we would not have to depend on Jesus. Rather than me trusting God AFTER I am healed I choose to trust Him now! If I just spend my whole life begging God for healing instead of living the life God has given me in a way that will bring praise to Him than I have wasted my life.
I admit I have spent alot of years and time begging and crying to God for healing and why it took me this long to face myself is a mystery to even me. But I am so thankful that God finally completely broke me one lonely and tear filled night in March which brought me to this point of finally admitting to myself my struggles and finding help online and in admitting my struggle to a couple of people in my life. Doing these things has helped me to find healing in ways I never expected. I still hold out hope to one day be more attracted to females and less attracted to males but that should not be my main goal. Rather as it says in the closing of this article:
"Real healing looks like you and me looking more and more like Jesus."
It should not be my ultimate goal to have 100% heterosexual attractions but instead to try and be more like Jesus. That is a goal that all of us sinners should be striving for!
Check out the whole article "What Does Healing Look Like?" on the Living Hope website its good!
AJ,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts. It is sometimes on my mind though, "what would it be like to not have same-sex attractions?", to not have so many questions and so few answers. Guess that is something else to just leave in God's hands and let Him make me "more like Jesus."
Oh yea definitely Stan I have thought about that many times too what would life be like without these same sex attractions. I cant even imagine what life would be like with no SSA. I have fantasized that it would be perfect and I would have a beautiful wife and kids and everything would be just happy and perfect and we would live happily ever after like in a fairytale. But I know in reality the way this fallen world is nothing is close to perfect like my dreams sometimes are. But still I do think about it often what it would be like. Seems life would maybe be alot easier I admit.
ReplyDeleteBut so far God has not seen fit to take these feelings away so I have to keep going as best I can clinging to His love and being grateful for the many things he has blessed me with.
This is a good post! I'm glad to see you're processing things well, and you continue to be in my prayers.
ReplyDeletePraying for you, AJ.
ReplyDeleteCan't help but say I greatly am disliking the language that the "church" is using in this ongoing conversation on orientation.
"Unwanted" SSA, "Healing", "Brokeness"?
All negative connotations.
Unwanted lends itself to rejection. Healing means I am sick? Broken means some accident happened?
I hope you are well, man. Peace,
Daemon
Hmm good points Daemon. There must be better language that is less negative sounding that could be used.
ReplyDeleteI definitely did not mean to offend in any way! These are just things I am trying to work through for myself.
Thanks for the prayers! Praying for you as well!
With all due respect, I actually thought the language AJ used was appropriate. The Bible does teach that every human heart since the Fall is inherently wicked, and only through Christ can that be redeemed. I believe it's important to recognize that even for Christians who have been justified by Christ, sanctification (the reorientation if you will of the heart towards Christ, resulting in right behavior) is a lifelong process. Every Christian deals with brokenness in the form of temptation and sin. We are all very prone to self-deception. Everyone this side of heaven needs healing from the effects of sin in our lives.
ReplyDeleteAJ and I are also "side B," meaning that we believe the gender of the people in a sexual relationship does matter to God; any kind of sexual activity outside of heterosexual marriage is sinful. Thus, SSA is a temptation towards sinful behavior and as such is rightfully "unwanted," even if it's something we will have to deal with for the rest of our lives. It is one of the many forms of brokenness that each of us has to deal with.
Also, from this post I got the idea that by "healing" AJ was referring more to the effects of SSA on his life (isolation, for example) rather than the SSA itself. I think this is entirely appropriate.
This is not meant to offend, but I do think it would be good to recognize the theological thinking that leads to the terms we're using.
Those are some great points, Neo.
ReplyDeleteCertainly thought provoking and clarifying as well. It is always good for me to consider others beliefs and compare and contrast them to my new found faith and explore why and where the things I believe have come from.
Thanks for taking the time to explain where you guys are coming from. It builds respect in others for me and challenges me to look at my own life in a different light.
Daemon
As a guy who has experienced what I hope is relatively permanent and significant decreases in homosexual attractions and temptations, I can testify that it doesn't make trusting God easier. :) Some days, I worry that I wouldn't have as much pleasure if I ever got married, even though I do regularly notice women. Some days, I literally want a life with more sexual sparks, just because it's fun, even if it is lustful. Some days, I get hit by sudden doubts in the existence of God EVEN THOUGH I have strong evidence from my own life that he exists. A few days this summer, I fell into looking at straight pornography simply because I felt like it, and then I suddenly felt really guilty, as though I threw myself on God, found significant healing, and then stopped caring about obeying him sexually once my sexual temptations were more normal. And in fact, in those moments, that is exactly what I did. Sanctification is a very slow and painful process. If you can learn to consistently trust God in the midst of your temptations, you will be far more sanctified than most of us ever achieve, and that is a blessing, whether it feels like one or not.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, there's a book by a Wheaton College psychology professor that you might really like it. It's called Signature Sins, and it draws on Augustine and the monastic tradition to explore the process of fighting core temptations in our personalities and weakening them by God's grace. One of his core beliefs is that all sin in Christians stems in some way from an inability to trust God. I listened to a sunday school talk by him on this subject, and it was really helpful. He has a lot of wisdom. I have also become more and more convinced in my own life that it is better to approach things like SSA as though they are just another sin issue in my life that can be fought in similar ways to other sins, rather than some strange, esoteric psychological problem. Otherwise, I tend to WAY over-analyze myself. :P
ReplyDeleteHere's a review: http://psychologyandchristianity.wordpress.com/2008/10/12/signature-sins/
Tim thanks for the book recommendation. Just read that review you posted the link to and also the reviews on Amazon. It sounds really good! I added it to my Amazon wishlist. Now I have to decide if I should buy that next or the Washed and Waiting book by Wesley Hill which I also have been wanting. Both sound really good! Maybe I will get both :).
ReplyDeleteDaemon, echoing Neo, I think you'll actually find that many Christians, no matter what their orientations, use terms like that pretty regularly. Let's take masturbation, for example, which is, in one sense, a "sexual orientation" that practically all men have. Most Christians, however, believe it to be sinful. Therefore, my desire to masturbate is, in one sense, "unwanted," even though I obviously want it at the same time. When I experienced a reduction in my desire for and dependence on masturbation, so that it was not a need I felt strongly or daily, although it obviously still gave me pleasure when I did it, I felt as though I had experienced "healing". When I once was addicted enough that I would do it multiple times a day, I felt "broken". Today, when I can tell my accountability partner that I haven't looked at porn or masturbated in "x" number of weeks there is a sense of "freedom", because I no longer feel controlled by that sin tendency. The same applies to my struggles with envy, fear, pride, etc. I hope that helps show how these terms can be used much more broadly than just as some way to express pity for "those poor gay guys". :)
ReplyDeleteTim thanks for sharing what its like from the perspective of a guy whose attractions have changed alot! It really helps to hear your experience in this. I admit and wont lie, I still hope someday I have some changes in attractions like you have experienced. But I have decided that is not going to be my focus. I am going to do my best not to focus on that and make my goal to try to be more like Christ. If any changes happen as a by product of that then great :)! But if not then I will just have to accept it is not meant to be and God has a purpose and plan for me still.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being honest about struggles you still face. I dont mean to imply that I am glad to hear you still struggle with things or anything! What I mean is it just shows me that even if I was changed like you are I would still have many areas I have to work on and things would not be all great as I sometimes imagine. And like you said I would have new areas of sin pop up like heterosexual fantasies and temptations. One thing is for sure humans sure know how to sin. We are so lucky that our God is so merciful and forgiving! Anyways thanks for sharing it was very helpful to read.
Thanks Neo and Tim for explaining better than I could about the language the church sometimes uses. Ya I am sure you already know my beliefs Daemon since you are a long time reader (and I am thankful for that!) I see heterosexual marriage as the only option for sexual relationships in Gods eyes. Does my flesh want to be with guys? Yes, and somedays it is really hard to face these temptations. But from reading the Bible I feel deep down its not what God would want for me and I dislike that I want that since for me there would be no future in it and would just be a temporary pleasure. So for me it is an unwanted attraction since I feel it would be a sin for me to act on the attraction and not what God would want from me.
ReplyDeleteDoes that make any sense? Hopefully I explained myself and my beliefs right. I dont want to offend you or anything. I know its kind of confusing and seems kinda strange to go against what your body is screaming is right. But its what I believe.
And honestly, regarding healing, whether that comes in content celibacy or, as I experienced, the realization that I was more attracted to women than I had thought, I think a lot of it comes simply from increasingly trusting God and not worrying about the future or what erotically attracts you, rather than some sudden "switch" in attractions. I certainly never experienced that. :) In fact, I think worrying about whether I was attracted to women or ever would be made it impossible for me to recognize for a long time that I actually was.... God has a good plan for your life, no matter what. And it will go better the more you trust him, and you'll stop worrying as much about the future. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat points Tim. I really am going to try to trust God more and not worry so much. I really want to but its still hard all the time to trust. But I feel I am slowly making a little progress of least. I guess its a life long thing though to trust God completely.
ReplyDeleteYea I could picture being content with celibacy. But the problem for me is the thought of never sharing a life with another human or not having a family more than the sex. But again I have to leave it to God like you said. I think as I trust Him more and more I wont fear being alone so much. And maybe if God does want me to be celibate He will actually provide me with other close relationships too that fills needs. Or maybe as I learn to trust God more I will be surprised and find my attractions changing some.
"God has a good plan for your life, no matter what. And it will go better the more you trust him, and you'll stop worrying as much about the future. :)"
Thanks Tim for this reminder! :)
Thanks guys for all this - the initial post, and the comments.
ReplyDeleteAnd way to go on the victories with your SSA battles.
I go by "D" (for David in the bible, someone I related to right away when I first learned of him). I am 49, married, one son. And I too deal with SSA (have since I can remember). I believe in God. It has always been a battle to do what I know is right, and fight SSA feelings.
I've always wished that I could just be able to talk about the struggle, since I didn't do anything to initially cause it, and I never acted on it.
Its been torturous (sp?).
So it's nice to read candid posts such as yours.
Thanks again, and God bless you,
D
Hello D! Yea its really tough especially when you struggle with it alone. I have done that for most of my life so I know what thats like!Yea the blogs have been a great help to me. The first time I stumbled onto a couple of them and saw other christians being honest about this stuff that they struggled with too I was amazed and so relived to see I was not alone!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by!